Overdue

It's been a while - hope I don't ramble too much.

I have eaten more food in the last 2 weeks than any full month in my Life Before the Whipple and I can't gain a pound. I'm stuck. I am never hungry, I eat by the clock, I'm trying to increase the amount of fat I eat everyday and I get nothing. I feel like my face is filling out, my energy is increasing (albeit slowly), and I could probably win at arm wrestling with a 6 year old. I think I'm somewhat frustrated with how slow progress is going. I've got a call in to a Nutritionist to count up what I've been consuming to maybe offer some advice. I'm pushing (maybe a little too hard according to some) on my walking - but as I've discussed with Vicki, I'd rather figure out how to get more calories in than reduce the calories I spend. Getting outside is an important part of my peace of mind.

All else is going pretty well. Kevin has been in town this week and has catered to my every whim, just as he should. We've been getting down to the store almost everyday to say hello and try to stay in touch with current events there. Vicki has been getting out and about a little more as she gets more confident in my ability to make it on my own for a few hours. Looks like she's scheduled for her gall bladder removal in early June - she should be out of commission for a week or so.
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FROM VICKI: Hi everyone. Yes indeed. In case you were wondering, I have scheduled my surgery for June 5, with a pre-op consult and physical on May 30. I wanted to wait till after my birthday, so I could #1, enjoy that and #2, give John a little more time to get stronger. By then, we will have lived for a couple of weeks without any brotherly support and visitation (Cosgrove brothers that is, my brother Jay and his wife Sarah, continue to be a massive help with every single type of support you could possibly imagine). I believe that John will be good to fix ME breakfast for a couple of days while I get over the soreness of orthroscopic gall bladderectomy. Probably not the right term for it, but it made me giggle a little bit.

We might have written about this before, but John will have his first appointment with the Kaiser Oncologist (We call him Chemo Kaufman) on May 17th. At that time, I assume (while continuing to manage expectation as much as possible) we'll find out what the course of treatment for John is going to be. I hope to find out how much, how long, how sick it will make him (0r not) and how we measure success in the future. I hope to know how often John will have to be tested, scanned, checked up or what we will have to do to stay on top of any future cancer and if there will ever be a time when we can be less vigilant about his health and go about living normally again, without waiting for the next phase of being a cancer patient/survivor.

We have been writing less, as there is less to impart to everyone at the moment. The focus at David Street now is to work on getting John stronger and fatter. Period. There is a fine balance between calories in and calories out. Many of us wish we had to put on weight, like John does. We would be happy with even 5 or 10 lbs right now, but ultimately, it would be good to see 40 lbs on him. I'd be happy to give him 40 of my excess pounds, as would alot of people I know. While that's not going to happen, this low fat eating has helped me drop of few of those campaign pounds that I put on last year.

It's been great to get out and about a little bit in the last couple of weeks. It was a wonderful reunion on Wednesday when I went into San Francisco to see Governor Dean at the Palace Hotel. I've posted some pictures of the event if you're interested in them. So great to see so many of the people I've been working with over the last 4 years and even better to know that they're all still active and working to make a better country for us and our kids. Many thanks to Howard Dean for creating this extraordinary community of activists who work with and for each other.

Special thanks today go to Art Torres and Christine P. Thanks for your support and your offers of help. I will remember to take you up on them at the first sign of needing to. Once we get thru this particular holding pattern, it is very possible that you'll be hearing from us.

Over n out for now. We'll try to be better at posting. Thank you all for checking in. It means alot to all of us.

Peace, hope and love
Vicki